i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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