Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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