i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
