This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
there is puke in my bra ... again
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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