So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
