Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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