you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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