Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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