Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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