Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
