I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i will never coherently bang her
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
