So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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