So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
