i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
