I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
