U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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