his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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