his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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