Im at strip club and am horny
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
