sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
