she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
