I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
