Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
