he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I want her autograph on my taint
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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