hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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