He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
