i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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