I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
