i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
