I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
