FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
