Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
