my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
