i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
is that a dick in a sweater?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize