Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize