Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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