I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
