He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
