bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
