tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
