Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
