If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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