I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
