I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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