if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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