FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
