Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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