the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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