it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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