Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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