You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
We are two peas in an std pod
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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