Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
