you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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