Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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