I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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