I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
