Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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