She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
