Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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