The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
