I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
