I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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