Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My vagina is very pro this idea
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
