we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
