I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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