I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize