if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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