It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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