my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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