Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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