If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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