who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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