I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
