shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
