I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
