I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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