And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
