PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
