my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
