the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
