If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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